Solo Project- Initial dialogue for Solo Performance

It has taken me a while to really to able to put into words what I in fact wanted to say or convey in my actual dialogue . Even though I roughly know the direction that my piece is headed in looking at my longing and desire to find this relationship with my grandmother .The uncertainty that I have been feeling around my dialogue actually shaped the first few lines that I wrote because it expressed how I am uncertain of what I really would say or express to my grandmother.

These lines I have written so far I feel are illustrating this sense of need to share everything with my Grandmother but being trapped by my own uncertainty of not knowing how to express what I want to ask her or what I know about her. I feel the only connection that can link us to begin with is our shared

name of Anne . The few lines I have written for her almost express my own sense of longing to address all these thoughts and feelings to her but my own body physically holds me back. I am still developing the rest of my dialogue and am at the present moment uncertain of what direction its taking.

Solo Project - Initial rehearsals and Initial dialogue

Thursday 13th February - Saturday 15th February

In out Thursday class we were sent of with our partner to work on our solo projects . I am working with my friend Jess who I am good friends with we had met on Wednesday and talked through and discussed our initial ideas with one another. This allowed us to gain a sense of what kind of piece the other is trying to make. We are both using mirrors within our piece so we decided that during our Thursday class that we would go in search of mirrors. The first place we stopped of at was the Technical  Office to look in the prop store. I was able to find no mirrors that could be fixed upon a wall however I found a wooden free standing mirror that could be a possible choice. The only issue I did find with the mirror was its height its a bit too short but I think I just would need to test out the projections on to it.

Jess unfortunately could not find any dance mirrors or long mirrors to use in the Tech office so we decided to try B&Q which is only down the road from our halls of residence. When we entered B&Q it was like entering a maze to try and discover the section where the mirrors were stored. Once we found the mirror section I was overwhelmed by the selection of wall mirrors to look at. I found that these mirrors were quite ornate for the performance and where not what I was looking for. There was an oval mirror that caught my eye it had no frame around it and I though it may project a very clear and precise image. I am still keeping that mirror in mind from B&Q but I still feel I need to experiment with the mirror in Tech and ones from home. Jess unfortunately again could not find any mirrors that suited her piece in B&Q so she decided to have a  browse of the Internet to see what mirrors were available.

On our Saturday rehearsal I managed to perform the first few opening lines I have written for my solo project. I positioned the flat in the centre of the stage and I played around with a number of positions from sitting on a chair in front of the flat to kneeling in front of it. The kneeling position I first tried I feel best resembles the sense of longing for my grandmas presence in my life. I feel once I have these projections up and running they will inform my position throughout the piece..Jess recorded me performing these opening lines on our video camera. Jess gave me feedback after performing these opening few lines to her that I needed to project my voice more because partly what I was saying was being lost. This has made me consider whether I should record my actual dialogue and play it during the performance so my voice can be heard. It could be a representation of my own internal thought process. I feel once I have extended my dialogue and tested to see whether the dialogue works well live or recorded then I will make decision on how I am going to perform the dialogue.

The flat that I used during our rehearsal to get a sense of how I would possibly position my mise en scene was perhaps a little to small in scale to fit my mirror. The flat I feel should be wider so it can accommodate my projections and it needs to be white so obviously the projections will be seen on it. I have also considered that I need to possibly project these actual images on to a projection screens. I managed to film these short snippets of me performing these opening lines which is a useful reference for what elements in my piece I can refine and alter next time.

Solo Project: Finding direction of my solo project and the ultimate vision

I feel my solo is gradually beginning to find its own direction within the masses and masses of the ideas that have formed around it. The idea I am currently working on is about trying to find and begin a relationship with my grandma and try and connect with the past life she has lived. I feel my piece is increasingly beginning to symbolise my longing for a relationship which has been denied to me because of her death.

The direction of my solo project has become more focused and this is partly is due to the productive weekend I had at home where I was able to focus on this vision that I am trying to establish. Over the weekend I considered purely projecting images of my grandmothers face simply on to a flat. However I felt this initial idea for my mise en scene did not particularly illustrate the themes such as presence and identity that I feel are becoming more prevalent in my piece. An idea that struck was to try and project the images of my grandmothers face into a mirror. The mirror I feel will will be symbolic for memory and mind and my own longing to share this connection with her that makes up my own identity.

When I was at home I experimented with a mini projector projecting images of my grandmother at first. It took a fair few attempts to position the projector in the right place to get the whole image of my grandmother in . At first I projected the images of my grandmother that I have selected on to the wall so I could see which images worked and which ones I needed to discard. The black and white images and the colour images I feel create a contrast between the strong sharpened memory and the grainy images that I cannot retain in my mind because they are not my memories. Once I got to grips with operating the projector I decided to take on the challenge of project images of my grandma into the mirror. It was tricky to project an actual image of her into a brown bevelled mirror at first and this was because I was trying to project images in daylight hours. The light itself seemed to block out the image.I persevered with using the projector and in early evening I tested out standing in front of a long wardrobe mirror which managed to capture my grandmothers face over mine. I still feel I need to experiment further with other mirrors to try and create this effect again.

My weekend at home I feel allowed me to further my own vision of how my solo piece will look. I concentrated on looking at costume. I decided that I wanted to dress similarly to my grandmother but not be a representation of her rather I dress like her to try and be connected and united with the images of the person I see her to be.  I did have a browse in various high street stores but all the dresses that looked remotely 50's were too short or didn't feel right to me. I browsed online and for a lengthy five hours trawled Amazon and Ebay trying to find a dress or outfit that matched what I am trying to create. I found a company on amazon that reproduce 50's style dresses and I ordered five dresses that had some similarity to the clothes my grandma wore but they were definitely not exact replicas. The dress that I end up choosing will inform my vision because it reveals my longing and desire to be part of her world in 50's that I am absent from .

Solo Project : Research Part 2

These last few weeks I have been doing further research into the artists and performers that Nancy encouraged me to look at in our very first tutorial for the creation of my solo project. I have been specifically researching and looking into The Wooster Group's 1976 production 'Rumstick Road' which deals with Spalding Grey's mothers suicide. As I was researching the production in David Savran's book 'Breaking the Rules' I was particularly fascinated by how Grey structured a lot of his pieces around the idea of fragmented pieces of memory and memory itself. This particularly struck me as I feel my own solo piece is veering towards looking at how my own memory and other peoples memories have shaped and controlled my perception of who my grandmother is. The projections and images I specifically am wanting to use of my grandmothers face which I want to be projected on to my own face will show the divide and connection between memory and reality which is another aspect I am interested in exploring

There was a point where Savran in 'Breaking the Rules' discusses the influences for the set of Rumstick Road. Savran quotes and refers  Elizabeth LeCompte thoughts and visions for the set 'taking a still life and rearranging it, repainting the scene from a different angle'. The idea of rearranging the perception of these images that LeCompte did with Rumstick Road inspired me to think of how I will arrange and use these images of my grandmother. There have been numerous thoughts running through my head that I could dissect parts of the last few images of my Grandma so the images only focus on her eye or her lips. It could imply that our relationship is fading away because she is only a construct of my imagination and others memories and photos are only representations from her. As the images become even more dissected it suggests that we cannot have a relationship because she is dead and all is left of her are memories and photographs.

Nancy had remarked in my tutorial that I should specifically read about the projection of Spalding Greys mother Bette Grey on to Libby Howes face. I read the passage where LeCompte dicusses the projection on to Howes face and how it represents how a role is imposed upon a woman. The projection Savran observes creates a sense of illusion 'magic of theatrical conjuration brings her back to life'. In my solo project I want to use a moment similar to this where I want my face to be obscured by the projection of my grandmother's face. This will be a moment where we are finally physically connected to one another and this is the only time I can have almost a moment or connection to her. Savran discussed how the faces of Bette Grey and Libby Howes immediately became disjoined from one another. I know I want to create a similar effect where me and my grandmothers faces meet and we are present together and then we part and once more are absent from each others lives.

Nancy in my tutorial suggested to look at Libby Howes dance she performed in 'Rumstick Road' . Howes  repeatedly beats her hair against the projection screen. Savran described it as keening which is a type of wail of lament and sorrow. Nancy also in my tutorial implied that Howes had repeated domestic tasks of folding a sheet and that I perhaps could implement a similar idea in my performance. I have considered the possibility of perhaps folding laundry during the performance and doing other domestic duties. However I feel that If I did repeated domestic tasks it could look as though I am trying to represent and play my grandma . I have thought of the task of constantly trying to write a letter for her and put into words my feelings for her and the need I have to understand what kind of relationship we would have had.

As part of my research I also looked at Bobbi Baker's series of performances which are entitled 'Daily Life'. Bobbi Baker performs a monologue where she often plays a stereotypical housewife who discusses mundane topics such as doing the weekly shop, looking after the children. Bobbi Bakers monologues explore theses topics in an anecdotal, light hearted manner.  I was interested in the way Baker delivered her monologues as though each word was part of her thought process or a stream consciousness . I feel I want the dialogue in my solo to be similarly a stream of consciousness as though my thoughts will change and alter as I set upon this journey with trying to gain a relationship with my grandmother.

Solo Project: Advice on Solos

Thursday 6th February 

In out Thursday session we met with Katie Keen a third year on our course that discussed with us the process of actually developing her solo performance. Katie solo performance was a perfomative piece that was based upon a monologue taken from Debbie Issit's play 'the woman who cooked her husband'. Issit's play looks at how Kenneth a married man leaves his wife Hillary for a younger woman. Laura the young woman he leaves Hillary for cannot cook which leaves Kenneth to long for the settled life he has lost. Hillary invites the couple over for a meal and they are greatly unaware of what waits for them. Katie used parts of the monologue and interlaced her own asides about her own relationship with an ex boyfriend who had cheated on her into the piece.

We got to watch Katie's solo performance that was set out like a cooking programme. Throughout the performance Katie followed a recipe and she even served a cupcake to the audience, which we were led to believe, was part of her ex-boyfriend. The performance managed to combine a lot of humour, wit and darkness and the whole concept Katie played on really interested me. Nancy remarked that the humour and comic timing Katie used during the piece was down to her consistent rehearsals. Katie emphasised that it’s so important to consistently rehearse your material so it is precise for lighting or music queues and also its important to rehearse a lot so your comfortable and confident with the dialogue you are saying. This has made me consider that I need to carefully plan out my rehearsal time and divide it out equally over the next few weeks leading up to my first showing.

Katie advised the whole group not to worry or feel stressed if we did not have a visual concept for our piece or if we had not found a way of ending or structuring the story. This made me consider that throughout my rehearsal period I will not try to set out with a definite ending. I feel that perhaps if I had a very structured idea it could limit the possibilities of what I could explore and find within my solo project over my rehearsal period.   Katie explained to us that our solo performance will over the next few weeks find its own structure naturally and of its own accord. Katie talks with our class I found so helpful and reassuring because she has already experienced the same process that we are going through now. Katie I found an invaluable source of information because she really explained to me the do's and the do nots of creating our solo performance. Nancy and Katie made a useful observation that it’s important to be organised and have things in place when the performance is over so you can quickly strike down the set in the performance space. This is an important piece of advice I have taken on board and it has made me carefully think how I am going to organise setting up and taking down my set. 

In the second half of my class with Nancy she discussed with us her own experience of creating her own solo work.  Nancy performed to us her own solo 'Professional High' which is a monologue that came from a series of monologue which explored the world she experienced and encountered when working in a underwear bar on wall street. Nancy's work is interested in exploring the relationship between performance and addiction. The monologues that Nancy developed for her solo project were taken from her own novels and pieces of writing which she felt were more perfomative pieces of writing than simply narrative. 

Nancy explained to us that her work is often influenced by literature she often relies on her scripts to develop her performances. When Nancy discussed her working process it made me reevaluate how I work. When I am working on my solo project I feel I will improvise my dialogue and record the particular elements of dialogue and movement through either video or audio. The parts that work I will write down and begin to form into my final piece of dialogue. This is the process I feel I will use in the early stages of my rehearsal process but this may change over time and once I begin to work with.

The monologue Nancy performed I felt gave me a great insight into how you can delve into other characters but still retain yourself as the performer in the piece. Nancy heightened her own character in the performance throughout and the other characters she was portraying. The heightening of her own personality made me consider that when you heighten your own personality your are in fact developing a character a persona almost for yourself. In the solo performance I am currently developing I feel I will create a heightened version of myself to try and justify what journey I am going on myself in this piece as I try to form and find this relationship with my grandmother who I died before I was born.

Towards the end of the session we watched a selection of the second years solo performance. I was drawn to Naomi piece especially because of the symbolic aspects such as the central continuous image of the orange being peeled apart which was projected on to a screen . The orange seemed to symbolise how life is constantly evolving and transitioning .  The voices of Naomi’s parents talking about the civil war in Bosnia played over whilst Naomi gently pushed the oranges away breaking the peace sign she had created . Nancy remarked that Naomi’s piece constantly highlighted and justified her meaning that life is valuable and ever evolving. This remark made me reflect that when creating my solo piece I need to constantly justify my message that I am attempting to find and discover this relationship with my grandma.

Solo Project- Research for Solo Part 1

I am in the early stages of developing my solo project and I am at the moment researching various performance art and different performers work. I felt another important aspect of my research for my solo is to gain a greater insight into what my grandmother was like as a woman. The best sources for finding out this information is my dad and my aunt . I feel they can paint a greater picture of who my grandmother was as a mother and as a person. The best way I felt I could gain insight into my grandmothers character was by writing down particular questions for my dad and aunt which dealt with  specific aspects of my grandmothers personality and life.

Questions for my dad and my auntie 

I wrote a set of eight questions for my dad and for my aunt.  The questions I selected for my dad dealt with the time that surrounded my grandmothers illness and death. The questions were largely factual and related to the build up of her death from hepatitis . I felt that specifically for myself I needed to know the cold hard facts about the way in which she died to see if there is specifically I want to draw on in my piece. The answers I received from my dad made me reflect that his  answers have given me a broader sense of the suddenness of her demise . The answers made me reflect and realise that I am not certain I want to focus in my solo on her death because I do not want the performance to be a sombre memorial to her. The subject of her death has made me realise I want my solo performance to be about the relationship we could have had with one another and if my perception of her is entirely a construct of my imagination.

The questions I selected for my aunt were very different from the ones I had chosen for my dad. This was partly because I felt more comfortable discussing the events leading up to my grandma's death with my dad because he is more comfortable with discussing the subject. The subject of my grandmothers death is a subject I feel I cannot bring up with my auntie because I feel I have a different relationship with her than to my dad. The questions were quite feminine and asked specific things about her character for example (what films did she like, what was her favourite colour) The answers that my auntie gave were  important for me to understand the kind of woman my grandma was and this simply because my auntie shared a mother/daughter relationship with her. The answers my auntie gave helped me to construct a real life interpretation of my grandmother and see her as a living and breathing person.

The answers and honestly the insight I gained about my grandmother's personality form my conversation with my auntie I feel will be a great starting point if I decide to revolve the piece around me turning myself into my grandmother. There is still further research I need to do and I feel I want to play around and examine other routes for my solo before I settle on one. 

Solo Project - Initial Proposal for my solo performance and an afternoon of Soul-Steppin

I was initially a little apprehensive about presenting my initial idea for my solo to Nancy because I felt my idea about spending an hour with my grandmother perhaps could be deemed to be to sentimental. I also was concerned that my idea needed to be fleshed out more and I needed more of a constructed narrative.

The apprehension I previously felt about my idea for my solo I felt disappeared throughout my tutorial as Nancy genuinely helped me see that my initial idea has a lot of promise because of the messages that I want to potentially convey in this piece. I want to potentially convey the sense of obsession and fascination that I have with my grandmother who I have never met because she forms part of my identity. This comes from a need to really understand what she was like as a person and as a woman.I want to potentially question is the image that I have of her been wholly constructed by my own imagination and is it really real ?

I showed Nancy my main source of inspiration for my initial idea which is a collection of photographs of my Grandma which were taken during the late 50's and early 60's. The pictures of my grandma Anne from those periods I feel are the images of her that I retain in my mind. I discussed with Nancy how I was interested in projecting these pictures of my grandma or even projecting the original slides during the performance to suggest how her image haunts my mind or it is something I am constantly drawn to.  Nancy made the suggestion that I could project my grandma's image on to my face. This made me think of the idea of almost dressing myself as my grandma and becoming her. Nancy and I discussed this idea that I could slowly begin to become her as though I am trying to bring this image of her back to life.

Nancy recommended that I look at the Wooster group's production 'Rumstick Road' that chronicled the effects that Spalding Grey suffered after his mothers suicide. Nancy suggested I should particularly look at the use of projection within the piece of how they projected the images of a house on to the flats. Nancy suggested I perhaps could project an image of my grandmas house on to the flats. I did reflect on this idea after my tutorial and I thought that I could possibly create a roof shape with the flats and project images of my grandmas house on to them.  The roof shape of the flats could convey how I am trying to construct this life for my Grandma that in my imagination she has had. I thought of another idea after my tutorial that I could use different types of furniture to construct a roof like shape or even a den. This could convey my own desire to carry on constructing this  imaginary life for her which would     show how I am trying to rebuild something which I have lost. I also feel on reflection it could be symbolic of my own sense of grief that I have lost part of this family.



Nancy encouraged me to look at the particular moments in 'Rumstick Road' where the performer Libby  Howes performs a unique dance and another moment where she is shaking out a sheet. Nancy implied that I could perhaps use  repeated gestures that are  domestic such as shaking out a sheet . I considered that I could use a moment like this if I was using my idea of turning myself physically into my grandmother. Those domestic moments if I did go down that route could help to symbolise how I am trying to make this image in my head a real constructed character.

I explained to Nancy how my grandma Anne died from Hepatitis when she was in her early 50's . The hepatitis was believed to have been caught through either contaminated water or a blood transfusion. I thought the suddenness of her death and the tragedy it brought to her family could an interesting angle potentially for the audience in my performance. Nancy suggested to flesh out the performance I could look at the biological/medical issues that are directly a result of hepatitis or how hepatitis affects the body. Nancy suggested a very different idea that in my performance potentially to look at how I am genetically related and connected to my grandma through blood and cells. The suggestion Nancy made has left me extremely fascinated at the idea of perhaps in my solo exploring my biological relationship to her and then trying to create or find a relationship with her emotionally even though she is dead.



At the end of the tutorial Nancy advised me to consider Bobbi Baker's work if I was wanting to explore the idea in my solo of me becoming my grandmother. I am also going to research Spalding Grey;s work in  'Rumstick Road' to get further ideas of how I can project and use the images and also how I want to construct my performance about this relationship I long to have with my grandma. Nancy recommended that I read a book called 'The Genome' to see If I find any inspiration for possibly basing my work on my genetic relationship to my grandma.

Overall I found my tutorial with Nancy so helpful and reassuring because I feel my idea as a whole has expanded greatly and is is travelling in so many different directions that will help me to look at my relationship with her in a different light. My mind is filled with endless ideas of what direction I can take my solo in. I feel that once I have researched these peoples work I will have a clearer picture of how I want to perform my solo project and how I want to explore my relationship with my grandma. I am generally so excited to begin the research for my solo so I can begin to bring my piece to life.



In our afternoon session we spent the whole three hours exploring Soul-Steppin and creating soul steppin routines in groups. This time creating a soul-steppin routine was much easier and more manageable in a smaller group. We worked effectively as a group because we created simple moves that were easy to learn but also creating a fluid sequence of movement that worked well together. We managed to all stay closely together in a square formation throughout practising and performing the routine and this helped us create some sense of unity as a group. I did find it tricky when we first put music to the routine because my movement was out of the time with the music because I was concentrating on the actual beat we were creating. However my initial frustration with myself subsided after we practiced the routine several times with the music and I began to keep in time with the music and my group as well !!