Heading Back to Yarm

A few weeks ago I returned back to the town where my grandmother was born. My grandmother grew up in a small town called Yarm in the North East of England. I visited the town with my dad it was a stange experience returning to the town after making my solo show I felt more closely connected to Anne in a way. Walking past her house and even around the town where she lived made me feel as though I was piecing together snapshots of her life. It was a cathartic experience in a way returning to Yarm I still feel though that I'm trapped in an endless cycle of longing and obsessing over my connection to Anne.

The picture above is the house where my grandmother lived and was a place that my dad visited frequently as a child. Recently I looked at this image again and was intrigued to see my dad's reflection in the window. I felt this image captures my sense of being heavily trapped in an endless need to know her and be somewhat be intrinsically connected to her. I think this feeling will always stay with me it's like part of a continual grieving process for a lost relationship 

'An Hour with You' Documentation Trailer 3 minutes

Solo Performance 10 Minutes Unedited

Documentation - DVD Covers

The last part of my documentation unit I had to complete was creating covers for my DVD cases. I decided to use my poster image of me kneeling in front of the mirror with the letters surroundings me. The reasons I chose to reuse my poster image was that firstly I want to use the same exact image when promoting this work so all my body of work concerning 'An Hour with you' is immediately recognisable as being related to that performance. Secondly I feel that by using my poster image for the covers will perhaps reinforce the themes within my piece to the audience of this desire to connect, obtain something and this sense of longing. These themes of longing and desire to connect may be reinforced by the actual image itself because of my proximity to the mirror  .The warmness of the colours within the image that I have used for the covers perhaps will make my audience feel invited into this very personal and intimate performance.

 I measured the front of the DVD case to obtain the right measurements this did take me a while because I am clueless when it comes to anything mathematical.  When I had the correct measurements I rescaled the image to the exact measurement and reapplied the same font for the text which I had used on my poster. I printed two copies of the cover one for my trailer and the other for my unedited ten minute DVD and I placed them within the DVD case. That small act of placing the covers on the DVD cases left me with a mixture of emotions I felt relieved to have nearly completed all of my work for this unit but I did feel a large pang of sadness that the unit has come to an end and that I am no longer working so intensely on this project. However I am seriously considering developing 'An hour with you' further with the aim of debuting it next year on the fringe circuit.

Documentation- Editing and Creating Trailer

In the last two weeks of spring term I have spent many hours creating and editing my trailer of my solo performance. As soon as I received the footage of my performance I watched the footage from both cameras. I tried to initially select footage from each camera that corresponded directly with the dialogue I had written for my voice overs. It was tricky to begin with to find the clips which specifically illustrated what my dialogue was trying to say because I had so much footage to trawl through. I also looked at the various footage I had collected together from various rehearsals throughout the process of creating my solo. I was astonished to see when watching early rehearsal videos how particular elements of those early rehearsals have developed and gained more meaning and importance over the course of the rehearsal period. The mirror is an example of this .The mirror was originally in the early stages of rehearsals used in more of an purely aesthetic or symbolic sense to symbolise my search for my grandmothers identity and how my identity is part of hers. The mirror's role developed towards the end of the rehearsal period with me interacting with the mirror through tender physical gestures as though it was my grandmother. The mirror as a physical object obtained more meaning by the end of my rehearsals because it became my only physical connection to her absent world. I decided to use a clip from rehearsal which shows me experimenting with trying to find different ways of interacting with the mirror and then transition gradually into a close up my performance where I interact with the mirror through a sequence of gestures. Similarly when I discussed my final monologue I decided to use two clips from early rehearsals that showed me performing the monologue whilst sitting and delivering it in different ways and then a smooth transition into the performance where I performed the closing the lines. I decided that the transition from my early rehearsal footage of specific elements to the actual footage of the performance with these specific elements helped to show specifically to my audience the development of particular themes within my performance.

I originally intended to use a piece of footage that showed the pictures continuously playing on the projection screen when discussing the photographs symbolism . However I decided to instead place a selection of photographs of my grandmother alongside my clip of my performance where the projection of the photograph could be seen. I felt that by merging the photographs of my grandmother with the clip of the photos playing on the projection screen helped to introduce my perception that I have constructed of my grandmother to the audience.

Throughout the process of developing and creating my trailer I was in two minds about deciding whether to film an actual interview about the process of creating my trailer to simply to record voice overs for my trailer. As I began to select clips together and incorporate the clips with the dialogue concerning the meaning behind each element in my performance I found that voice overs seemed to fit well with the clips I had chosen. The voice overs were initially difficult for me to record because I had to adjust the sound level at various times because my voice either became too high pitched or low pitched and it was distracting when trying to view the footage. It also took me a while to record the voice over because I was unsure how to deliver my dialogue for trailer. I was not sure if to deliver it in a formal or informal tone. I eventually decided to deliver the dialogue in a informal relaxed tone to make my audience feel invited into my personal attempt to develop a relationship between me and my Grandma.

Documentation- Editing Editing Editing my 10 Minute Video

Friday 20th March

I finally collected all of my footage of my solo performance on Tuesday and since then I have watched  the footage several times to try and get an idea of which camera angle shots will work best for certain aspects of my trailer. The footage from the close up camera angle I found to be very intimate and quite delicate . The intimacy and delicacy of the close up camera angle really captured for me when viewing the footage the tenderness and love I showed towards my Grandma especially in one of the shots where  I gently caress the mirror as though it is her face. There was a shot from the close up camera angle where I begin to  put the envelopes into a pile and write questions on the top envelopes which created a very personal insight for my audience into my almost obsessive longing for my grandmother.
I felt actually that the close up camera angle footage constructs a very intimate and personal journey for my audience to watch and become part of as the performance continues. The intimacy and closeness of the shot where I caress the mirror invites the audience to personally become involved in the story and even to relate their own sense of longing to the longing that I portray on stage.The intimacy of the footage from the close up camera angle really appealed to me and I decided for my whole ten minute DVD of my performance that I will solely use the footage from the close up camera angle.  The intimacy of the close up camera angle footage I think will give my audience a very personal and tender insight and experience as they watch me in this performance attempt to connect to a lost and absent presence in my life.

The editing of my ten minute performance was definitely not as difficult as I first assumed it would be. It was a lengthy process of having to copy the whole footage into a new performance project because clips from parts of my close up camera angle footage took a little longer to transfer over. Once all of the footage was transferred into my new project folder I watched the footage several times to make sure that the transitions were fluid from clip to clip. I also watched the footage back to make sure that all the clips were in the right order and that no clips were out of synch otherwise the audience may become confused over the actual plot of my performance. As soon as I had all the clips in the right sequence I watched my performance again and decided that I definitely needed a title page or title at least at the beginning of the video. I did consider for my title page originally using my actual poster image to introduce the performance however there was a clip in the footage from the stationary camera angle that caught my attention. There was a clip that showed me kneeling in front of the mirror surrounded by the envelopes with my grandmothers image projected above me as the lights slowly came up on the performance space. I decided that this clip would be the opening title clip so my audience could briefly experience and have a glimpse of the whole of my mise en scene. I also wanted to use the clip because my grandmothers image can be seen quite prominently so my audience become immediately aware of this figure and my focus upon her.





I managed to finish editing my ten minute performance by Saturday evening and the process of finalising the video did take a good couple of hours before it was completely ready. When the video was finalised I did watch the whole of my performance and I did feel a mixture of emotions. It was a rather strange experience of hearing my own voice on stage and seeing my little figure moving about.  I felt quite sad at the end of watching my performance on the video because I know my solo performance unit is slowly coming to the end.

Documentation- Initial Plan for Dialogue in Trailer

Monday 17th March


I was keen after my tutorial with Jane Linden to begin to formulate a rough plan for the order of my trailer and ultimately my dialogue. I decided to begin the trailer with a brief summary discussing how the concept for my performance initially was based on an hour I could spend with my grandmother who died before I was born. I also thought that in this brief summary I could discuss how this initial idea developed and how it began to explore themes of absence and loss and how I portrayed these in my performance. I ordered a list of bullet points and firstly decided to discuss the photographs then the significance of the mirror and finally the dialogue. I did find it a challenge to try to write concisely when I discussed the significance of each aspect of my performance because I found I almost I had too much that I wanted to say. However I was aware of the time limit of the trailer which is three minutes so I was consciously aware that I needed to write only a couple of very concise sentences. In the couple of sentences for each aspect of my performance I attempted to continuously but subtly refer to my performance's message and how that aspect is related to my performance's message .

At the end of my dialogue for my trailer I did initially consider ending with discussing how the questions that I selected and the scattered envelopes represented my longing and even curiosity to connect and communicate with my grandmothers world. Although after some consideration and looking over my initial plan for my dialogue I decided that I should end my trailer by discussing my short monologue which on reflection almost seems to be a resolution at the end of my solo performance. Its a resolution and a realisation that I can never truly express these thousands of thoughts and words to her because she's dead the only way I can connect to her is because we share the same name. I want to end with almost a resolution at the closure of my trailer to signify my own journey in the performance that I come to my own moment of realisation that I can never connect to her truly through any words or language because she's an absent presence in my life. I realise that we are only joined in the present moment together by the shared name of Anne.

In my rough plan I also began to consider potentially the pieces of footage that I will use in my trailer even though I haven't been able to pick up my footage yet because it has not been developed.

I am considering for the opening of my trailer to merge several shots together from the beginning middle and end of my piece to give a small glimpse of my whole piece for the audience.

I have initially allocated clips from my performance that I think will visually emphasise my dialogue for the audience. However these allocations are only an initial thought I need to wait until I receive footage to decide how the dialogue will work best with the footage of the performance and my own rehearsal footage.

Documentation- Tutorial to Discuss Trailer for Documentation

Monday 17th March




In my tutorial with Jane Linden we discussed initially the symbolism that she observed seemed to be consciously running throughout my piece. Jane touched on the fact that the photographs of my grandmother seemed to hold a very symbolic and significant meaning in the production and they seemed to actually hold the narrative together. This sense of the photographs being integral to forming the narrative that Jane suggested made me consider that I needed in the actual trailer to discuss how the photographs themselves are integral because they construct this image that I specifically identify as my grandmother. I will also discuss how the photographs are particularly a constant presence during this performance that I long to connect to.

Jane mentioned Roland Barthes ideas on photography that he saw photographs as being a certificate for presence. Barthes believed that every photograph the 'studium' holds obvious symbolism but the significant and symbolic meaning attributed to it is entirely dependent on the individual. The significant and symbolic meaning that the individual attaches  is the 'punctum' which pierces the viewer. Jane suggested to incorporate Barthes ideas on Photograph and apply them to my use of photographs within the piece. I think I will attempt to apply the idea of 'Punctum' in my dialogue when talking about the photographs so I not only talk about the symbolism of the images but also the audiences own individual meanings that they may have attached to the photographs in my piece .

In the tutorial I did discuss at length the symbolism of elements in my piece such as the mirror, scattered envelopes, the continued use of questions which was part of my dialogue. Jane proposed that I could in my trailer discuss the symbolism of each element and refer back to the overall meaning of my performance. I am considering in my trailer that I will discuss the elements like the 'scattered envelopes' individually  because they were truly integral aspects which help me to emphasise my overall message that I am constantly longing to have a relationship with my grandmother.

Jane recommended towards the end of my tutorial that I needed to at some point in the trailer to give a very brief overview or some context to what my performance is about. I think I will begin my trailer by giving a brief summary that discusses my initial idea and the actual concept of the performance. Overall I found my tutorial helpful because I have a stronger idea of how I will start my trailer with a brief overview of my performance. I also have a stronger sense of what I will discuss in the trailer I will specifically focus on the significant elements in the piece like the mirror and relate them back to my overall message for the whole piece.

Solo Project- First and Final performance of my solo piece 'An Hour with you '

Thursday 13th March

Today was one one of the most generally exhilarating, exciting and stressful days I have experienced at university.  I left my flat feeling prepared with a whole bag full of envelopes prepared for my mise en scene and a bag full of technical equipment. I was the last performance of the day and this gave me the chance to calm myself and get in the right frame of mind to perform my solo. Throughout the day I saw a fantastic diverse range of performance from all the members of my class which touched in me very different ways. All the people who helped to construct and deconstruct my set and everyone else's were truly amazing and it was wonderful to feel a part of such a big team effort.



There were a few technical issues with the projector not actually turning on but it was quickly resolved and I was able to begin my performance. The performance ran fairly smoothly there was a little technical hiccup with my first track being played slightly earlier but it did not make a major difference because I continued my repeated actions with the mirror and lip synched the questions as well. The questions and my interaction with the mirror I think came together as one showing how I am trying to verbally and physically engage with my grandmothers absence. The coming together of the physical interaction with the mirror  and where I lip synch the questions creates a sense of my longing for these two worlds to collide .I think the moment was only greatly noticeable to me because I am fully aware of the structure of how my piece flows.

Overall I felt the performance ran smoothly and I genuinely did shed a tear or two at the end because i feel consciously its an issue that has always been in the back of mind that I have never acted on. This piece "An hour with you" has allowed me to express my own grief and longing for a relationship with my grandmother who I never met. I'm glad I have been finally able to express these feelings in this performance and now I want to transfer this meaning and message within my performance now into the
documentation video that I have to make.

Documentation- Creation of Poster

Wednesday 12th March

There were several ideas that I had formed in my mind how I was going to present my poster. In a rehearsal before my final performance of my solo I took several photographs all of different compositions that were trying to reflect the story within my solo piece. I wore my turquoise rose patterned dress and sat gazing up at my grandmother on the projection screen in a searching and longing way. I really liked this image because I felt it illustrated how I am trying to connect my present world with my grandmothers absent lost world. However when I looked at the picture once again I found that the light on the actual picture had bounced of in the wrong way causing a lot of the projection to loose its actual colour. The other photographs that I took I actually set out my mise en scene with the mirror surrounded by open envelopes. In this photograph that I took I sat amongst a debris of open envelopes and I stared at my own reflection. In the end I decided to use this image because I felt the open envelopes and me looking into the mirror expressed my longing to communicate with a distant world I cannot quite reach. I used effects on the image to make it warmer and define the colours more to emphasise the intimate relationship I share with this mirror as I try to build an intimate relationship with my Grandmother.

Solo Project- Rehearsals Rehearsals Rehearsals

These last few days have been extremely chaotic with rehearsal after rehearsal for my solo performance. I have attempted the various suggestions that Nancy made such as actually recording the questions in a whispering tone and then playing them back. I will admit that I found recording the questions in a whispering tone difficult because I felt I lost the sense of what I am trying to say and what I am trying to reiterate to the audience. The whispering tone itself made the questions all sound the same and I felt I was delivering everything in a monotone style of delivery. My voice also did become  very croaky after whispering for several hours. I eventually abandoned whispering the questions after showing them to Nancy who saw them as being too husky and sexy. We agreed that I should record the questions again in a tone which is neither husky or too high pitched. I have recorded the questions again and have carefully selected the questions so that the subject of my grandmothers death and my own curiosity with her life are entwined together so I constantly flip between the two subjects .  A criticism I received from my tutors last week was that I placed the questions about my grandmothers death too near to the end. They suggested that I needed to jumble the questions around and talk about her death much earlier on. The questions I did select were far more detailed and looked at subjects like her death in depth.

Playing around with different ways to interact with the mirror.





In the rest of my rehearsals I have played around with the mirror and I have managed to develop a series of gestures that help me convey a relationship between me and mirror. The gestures I played around with was stroking the mirror and tracing my own reflections. I felt these gestures created a tender and loving moment where I am longing to connect with my grandmother . These moments where I touch the reflection of my own lips expresses my desire to be connected to my grandmother physically. I managed to create a two minute mirror routine where I try to be part of my grandmother's physical world. I have been practising lip syncing in the mirror the questions and I have been trying to get the exact timing although at the moment it is rather difficult at present. I am still trying to get the exact timing right.

Finding different ways of interacting with the mirror 

In my final rehearsals I have practised when the series of faster questions play piling letters into small piles and writing a key question on top on it. I played around with how I could place the letters and I have decided to put them in a circle around me as though I am trapped in my endless attempts to communicate with this absent world.
In rehearsal several times I have experimented with trying to get my grandmothers face projected onto my face but it has had a varied amount of success. When I initially practised with projecting her face onto mine the picture was positioned at the left hand side of the projection screen The picture I had initially used was reduced in size so that her actual face would meet with mine. Initially my first attempts of trying to project my grandmothers face on to mine were successful as it effectively created a moment where past and present came together as one and our two faces physically came together which was rather haunting !
In my later rehearsals I have found that once I began to project the enlarged images  the effect of trying to make our two faces meet became difficult to achieve. The physical height and scale of the projection screen made it difficult for me to realistically position my face at the same angle as hers because her face was too high above mine. The enlarged images of my grandmother's face that I attempted to project on to my face had been considerably enlarged so only one part of her face like her lips seemed to actually reach my face. This created an interesting image of my own face being physically obliterated and disfigured by hers but I felt it lost the meaning that I was striving for which is that our two faces our two worlds are connecting and becoming physically present to one another for the first time. I made the decision to remove the idea of her face being projected onto mine from the piece because I could not get it physically precise enough and the thought of this moment not being precise made me feel the actual meaning behind it would be lost.

Solo Project- Final Showing

Thursday 6th March


Today was the day that I was finally able to present the first five minutes of my piece to my tutors Nancy and Leentje and my class. It was such a relief to be finally able to perform part of my solo so I can gain some feedback on how I can improve my piece and importantly see if I am going in the right direction with my solo. I was generally very nervous before I presented my solo because I was uncertain of how it would be received but also if the technology would run smoothly.  I was personally anxious about the set up of my set but with the support and help of my all classmates I found the construction of my set took less than ten minutes. I felt so grateful for all the help that my class gave me in constructing set because it made me feel calmer and more relaxed before I began to perform my piece. The five minutes of my performance I felt ran very smoothly and the whole mise en scene looked exactly the way I wanted it to and I felt the action of writing the letters went well.


The feedback that I received from Nancy and Leentje was really positive and complementary about my performance they commented on how Beautiful and haunting it proved to be with the use of the mirror and how I kept on glancing at it. Nancy and Leentje suggested that I need to have more moments with interacting and engaging the mirror because it worked  really well in the actual showing. Nancy emphasised that I needed to rerecord my questions as there were distracting sounds in the background that were taking away from the actual voice over. Nancy also suggested to lip synch these questions to the mirror and try a whispering tone rather than the high pitched tone I had used previously. Leentje reflected that I could have a moment where I look at the projection and the image of my grandmother when she wears a highly patterned dress which is similar to mine. Nancy suggested that I put the questions at the start of my piece to perhaps show that how ever many questions I ask I will receive the answers or be able to say to her what I really want to say .In my next few rehearsals I will work more closely on my feedback and try and refine those elements I need to work on.

Ready to Perform in costume for my first showing 

Solo Project - Thoughts about Lighting

In the last few days before the first showing of my solo piece I began to consider what kind of lighting I wanted to use within my piece. I originally thought of simply using a general wash over my set however I felt it looked a little dull when I initially tried the effect. I had a spotlight positioned over my set where the mirror stood creating a strong white glare. The spotlight over the mirror created a haunting yet beautiful image symbolising the connection between one present world and one absent world. I did consider after my first showing that I will use two spotlights to make sure that you can see me moving around at the front of the stage. The addition of the second spotlight I feel will will create a warmer glow across the space and will heighten the intimacy that I display in the piece through my physical interaction and relationship to the mirror that seems to hold my grandmothers presence.

Solo Project- Rehearsals and more Rehearsals for My First Showing

Monday 2nd March- Wednesday 4th March


These last few days have been hectic and long due to lengthy late night rehearsals trying to perfect and refine the minutes of performance so far. Even though these rehearsals have been lengthy I feel I have managed to make several decisions such as definitely to continue using the mirror within my piece. I briefly flitted around the idea of not using the mirror because I had so many difficulties with actually being able to obtain it from the props store. However on Wednesday I luckily obtained the mirror from a group of second year CTP students so I got to experiment with implementing it within my piece. I tried different ways of interacting with the mirror from simply watching my own reflection to actually engaging with my reflection by stroking and touching the mirror in different ways and at different paces.  I did consider during these rehearsals my spacial relationship to the mirror. I have decided to sit very close to the mirror to emphasise the intimacy of my piece but also my longing that this mirror can connect me to this other world my grandmother inhabits.

My main aim in these rehearsals was to see if I could reach ten minutes of my performance so I developed a moment during the Monday rehearsal. This moment consisted of me once the prerecorded sounds ended picking up a pile of envelopes and attempting to place them on the projection screen and slowly allowing the envelopes to drop. I feel this moment helps to symbolise how I am always trying to  constantly connect to my grandmother through letters and images which can never truly connect me to her in real life. I did consider that I could actually put stamps on some of the letters and begin to place them into piles to represent my longing to be able to communicate or have a conversation with my grandmother.



I experimented during these rehearsals with trying to get the final image of my grandmother on to my face. This image of my grandmothers face projected over mine will note the ending where we are finally present in one an others worlds. I did struggle with capturing this image throughout my rehearsal because the flat I was projecting the image on was too low. Once I got rid of the flat I used the white curtain to project the image on to. I had to constantly shift from side to side trying to get my face directly in the projectors light so the image was reflected upon me. There were several attempts but I finally manage to get her image projected upon me. It created a very haunting end image for the piece when out two worlds connect and collide.

Documentation - Initial tutorial with Jane Linden

Monday 3rd March


This Monday I had my first tutorial with Jane Linden we discussed the overall message and content of my solo performance . I showed Jane the images of my grandmother during the 50's and I explained to her how those images have been integral in directing and shaping my performance. We briefly discussed the poster we have to create and Jane suggested that I should in fact use the images of my grandmother . Jane suggested using an image that shows my grandma on a beach. I really like the idea of simply using one of the images from my Grandma from the 50's period because they are inviting yet ambiguous images that invite you into this woman's life. I feel that if I did use one of the images of her it would immediately invite my audience into my perception of who I think my grandmother is. There are still other images that I want to play around with so I can give the exact meaning of my performance through my poster.

A large amount of my tutorial was devoted to how I will create my documentation video about my solo. Jane emphasised to me that that I need to include 2 minutes of the performance within the piece and the other minute is my actual process. The documentation video I am going to create I want to be poetic and playful. Jane did suggest the idea of playing around with the video image of my own lips and my grandmothers lips. There is an idea that I have for the opening is to record my own lips announcing the line of 'There are a thousand words'. There is footage of my actual rehearsals that I have recorded which I will look back on and see if any of it feels relevant to this process video that i am creating.


The actual thought of creating a short video documenting my work I find a little daunting because I have never created any videos or film projects before. I feel I definitely need to hone my skills a little more in editing and making videos but firstly I need to settle on an idea for how I am documenting my solo.

Solo Project- Rehearsals for First Showing

Friday 28th February- Saturday 1st March

My rehearsals over the last weekend were fairly hectic with me trying to run through my piece and add in technical elements such as lighting and projections. In my Friday rehearsal I experimented with using a floor projector and projecting onto flats and the back wall itself. When the projected images hit the flat parts of the image are lost and I found that what I wanted to be focused on was lost because of the flats size. I then practised projecting the image on to the back wall and I discovered I was able to get the whole image in view for my audience. This has made me think that I will use the back wall to project my images onto. The original slide show I had made that I used on Friday the transitions between each slide were too fast meaning the slide show had ended within five minutes of my rehearsal.I decided that I needed to lengthen the transitions of each slide or add more slides to the presentation so it ends within ten minutes. The smooth transitions of the projections is essential because I want to construct for my audience the impression of my grandmother through these images that I specifically identify her character with.

The prerecording I had made of of the questions that I would use in my performance I tested out within the space to see it how it actually sounded within the piece. I also practised writing the questions out alongside the audio of the questions being read to see how many questions I could write within the three minutes. I performed the action of writing the questions at a fast pace and a slow pace to see which one had the most the impact for this section of my performance. The fast pace that I used when performing these questions seemed appropriate because it symbolised the urgent longing that I display in this piece to build some kind of relationship with this woman. The fast pace of me writing these letters works well with the fast pace of the recording because I feel it illustrates the sense of how this process of trying to share these moments with Grandmother is in a constant stream of consciousness.

In my Saturday rehearsal I managed to run through my piece from the start and I initially experimented at the beginning of the piece with stroking the projected image of my grandmothers face and simply staring at her image. I have decided to incorporate these moments into the opening of my piece so I can express my longing and fascination with this woman I have never met. These initial moments that I am experimenting with in the piece help to I think show a tender soft relationship growing between me and ultimately these images that I have of her. I found that in the rest of my rehearsal I found moments where pieces of dialogue really seemed to fit in the direction of where my piece Is going. During the middle sections where the prerecorded questions play Intentionally towards the end of the recording I ask my grandmother questions about her death. There was a question 'Did you know it was goodbye?' which really resonated with me the most. I have decided that once the prerecorded questions end I will return to the projection screen and say 'Did you know it was goodbye ?'. I feel this line illustrates my own sense of grief that I have lost this relationship I should of had.

I also found in my Saturday rehearsal that I struggled where to take my dialogue next . I decided to repeat my monologue that begins 'A Thousand Words…' at the end as well to illustrate my main point about my piece that I am always in search and longing to have this relationship with my grandmother. It is like an endless cycle that I am emotionally trapped in.

Solo Project- Developing my Solo Performance Structure Further

Thursday 28th February


In our Thursday class we repeated the same exercise of recreating our stage images but this time we had
to create an middle and ending image. There were several members of the groups who presented the progression of their stages images and the pieces themselves. Even though I did not my present my stage image watching my other groups members made me carefully mull over how my piece progresses visually. My initial stage image is of me sitting down amongst the envelope strewn floor whilst gazing up at my grandmothers image projected on the flat behind. I feel visually that for the middle part of my performance I am going move to the front of the space and lie amongst the envelopes as I continuously write questions for my grandmother.The finishing image will be me standing against the mirror or projection screen with my grandmothers face covering my own. I have prepared for my middle sections a 100 questions that I wrote during a stream of consciousness. The questions themselves  I have prerecorded on my phone several times to see which questions best suited that section. I think in my next few rehearsals I will test out these prerecorded questions . I have decided on the action of writing out the questions whilst my voice plays but I am not definite on what dialogue will follow after this. The questions I have selected and written I feel perhaps will inform the rest of my dialogue. It was helpful to listen to how everyones piece is being structured as it has made me realise I need to concentrate further on my whole pieces progression as a narrative. This I think will explored further in my first showing and the rehearsals leading up to this.

In the second half of my class we repeated the Laban exercise we had completed in the previous week . The experience of repeating the same process of starting with a single movement to a short performance  made me realise that for myself experimenting with movement or dialogue itself can lead to some really interesting ideas or new observations being formed in your work. It made me reflect that each moment of time can be used greatly to enhance and further develop your message. I feel over the course of my next few rehearsals I need to time parts of my piece and find where I could lengthen a particular section to display the meaning that I am trying to unravel.

Solo Project : Costume Decisions

Friday 21st November-Saturday 22nd November
During my weekend at home I managed to try on a selection of dresses that I had ordered from Amazon. The dresses were all reproduction of original 50's dresses which I tried on. The sizes all extremely varied two of them were too tight and didn't seem right for the performance. The polka dot dresses seemed too tight and were perhaps too authentic of the period. I am conscious that I do not want my performance to become to representative of playing my grandmother and trying to emulate the period she lived in. I chose the blue/turquoise dress patterned with flowers because I feel it partly reflects the clothes my grandma was wearing in her early 20's during the 50's. I feel the dress represents my desire to be connected the world I associate with her.

Solo Project: Presenting an Image from our Solos

Thursday 20th February

We were instructed for our Thursday class to present an image of our solo project or a definite set of images for the beginning middle and end of our performance. The image I wanted to present originally was simply of a mirror in front of a flat with the projected images hitting that flat and mirror. I felt during the preparation for the presentation of this image that I needed another aspect of my set like the mirror which held a symbolic meaning. An idea that I thought of and used in my presentation was placing lots of white unsealed envelopes around me. The envelopes that I placed around me to seemed to symbolise my longing for a relationship with this Grandmother I have never met. The letters being unsealed are also symbolic of my attempt to express and communicate my feelings to her.

Nancy gave each of us feedback and my feedback that she has given me is really helping me to fully form and develop my piece

• Spread the whole stage with envelopes 
• Develop Middle 
• Write 100 Questions I want to ask my Grandma ( Stream of `consciousness)
• Prerecord these questions 
• Move away from mirror- Sit down at the front of the stage 
• Mention Grandma's hepatitis 
• Firm up ending
• Still see if can use mini projector
• Prerecord all dialogue ?
• Image should hit my face at the end.
• On Que Cards write out questions 
• Possible Dialogue- Use letters that I use to write to Grandma as a little girl

This feedback I found really useful because it has enabled me to really consider the arc or plot of my performance especially the central part. Nancy asked me why I had chosen to use to the empty envelopes and I explained to her that the idea was taken from my own childhood. When I was a child for several years I used to write letters to my grandma that I would always place in an envelope but never send. In these letters I remember asking various questions about her life. I have decided to use these questions as a source for starting the middle section of my dialogue . The questions I think will reveal my eagerness and longing to be connected to her the real person and her world. I am thinking of recording the questions and them being a constant cacophony of noise that gradually fades out as my Grandmothers image hits my face. This would suggest she is a fading presence that emerges and leaves my life..I feel I need to test these ideas and incorporate within the piece to see if it fits the direction that my piece is going in.

In the second half of our class Leentje introduced us to a Laban exercise. In the exercise each group member tells the person next to them something which is seemingly impossible to achieve like eating a chair. The person who received this impossible task had to create a piece of movement that included no dialogue only sound. Gradually as the task went along the performers shared their movements creating duet performances that culminated in groups performance that included three found objects and lines of dialogue. Rudolf Van Laban a prominent figure renowned for his movement system used exercises such as this one to 'score' or 'annotate' movement. Laban considered that every movement makes up or forms a 'script' which details each movement precisely. When I was participating in this activity I found that each movement I took from my partner helped to form and develop a narrative. The exercise itself made me consider how simple movements can be so effective to explain or to address a meaning. It also made me actually consider how carefully you need to be when allocate time throughout  any piece. It made me consider that I need to be more aware of how I am managing my time in my performance.

Solo Project- Initial dialogue for Solo Performance

It has taken me a while to really to able to put into words what I in fact wanted to say or convey in my actual dialogue . Even though I roughly know the direction that my piece is headed in looking at my longing and desire to find this relationship with my grandmother .The uncertainty that I have been feeling around my dialogue actually shaped the first few lines that I wrote because it expressed how I am uncertain of what I really would say or express to my grandmother.

These lines I have written so far I feel are illustrating this sense of need to share everything with my Grandmother but being trapped by my own uncertainty of not knowing how to express what I want to ask her or what I know about her. I feel the only connection that can link us to begin with is our shared

name of Anne . The few lines I have written for her almost express my own sense of longing to address all these thoughts and feelings to her but my own body physically holds me back. I am still developing the rest of my dialogue and am at the present moment uncertain of what direction its taking.

Solo Project - Initial rehearsals and Initial dialogue

Thursday 13th February - Saturday 15th February

In out Thursday class we were sent of with our partner to work on our solo projects . I am working with my friend Jess who I am good friends with we had met on Wednesday and talked through and discussed our initial ideas with one another. This allowed us to gain a sense of what kind of piece the other is trying to make. We are both using mirrors within our piece so we decided that during our Thursday class that we would go in search of mirrors. The first place we stopped of at was the Technical  Office to look in the prop store. I was able to find no mirrors that could be fixed upon a wall however I found a wooden free standing mirror that could be a possible choice. The only issue I did find with the mirror was its height its a bit too short but I think I just would need to test out the projections on to it.

Jess unfortunately could not find any dance mirrors or long mirrors to use in the Tech office so we decided to try B&Q which is only down the road from our halls of residence. When we entered B&Q it was like entering a maze to try and discover the section where the mirrors were stored. Once we found the mirror section I was overwhelmed by the selection of wall mirrors to look at. I found that these mirrors were quite ornate for the performance and where not what I was looking for. There was an oval mirror that caught my eye it had no frame around it and I though it may project a very clear and precise image. I am still keeping that mirror in mind from B&Q but I still feel I need to experiment with the mirror in Tech and ones from home. Jess unfortunately again could not find any mirrors that suited her piece in B&Q so she decided to have a  browse of the Internet to see what mirrors were available.

On our Saturday rehearsal I managed to perform the first few opening lines I have written for my solo project. I positioned the flat in the centre of the stage and I played around with a number of positions from sitting on a chair in front of the flat to kneeling in front of it. The kneeling position I first tried I feel best resembles the sense of longing for my grandmas presence in my life. I feel once I have these projections up and running they will inform my position throughout the piece..Jess recorded me performing these opening lines on our video camera. Jess gave me feedback after performing these opening few lines to her that I needed to project my voice more because partly what I was saying was being lost. This has made me consider whether I should record my actual dialogue and play it during the performance so my voice can be heard. It could be a representation of my own internal thought process. I feel once I have extended my dialogue and tested to see whether the dialogue works well live or recorded then I will make decision on how I am going to perform the dialogue.

The flat that I used during our rehearsal to get a sense of how I would possibly position my mise en scene was perhaps a little to small in scale to fit my mirror. The flat I feel should be wider so it can accommodate my projections and it needs to be white so obviously the projections will be seen on it. I have also considered that I need to possibly project these actual images on to a projection screens. I managed to film these short snippets of me performing these opening lines which is a useful reference for what elements in my piece I can refine and alter next time.